Sunday, Day 29: Kids being Kids... and some Art

Let's start with the fact that I have not been for a run in over a month now... between all factors it just hasn't worked. I am going to need to figure this out differently for Bonderman. All work and no play is bad enough... all eating no exercise makes it worse. Not just from the fitness side but the physiological and emotional regulation as well. Work me back into it when I get home, Mike!? On that note, strange reality hit me today: I am half way through my time in Cambodia... but not yet half way through my trip... not half way for another week and a half. How the hell is that?! Very mixed feelings. Moving on. 

So, notes from the day: I hung out with Tracy most of yesterday and really enjoyed the quality time - well, we only had 1:1 time in the afternoon but it was still nice. So, I decided I would tag along with her this morning too. We went to the far... um.... South?! part of town? to visit a primary level boarding school for youth with physical disabilities. It's an accelerated program that allows children who would not have been able to receive an education to develop their basic academic skills in just 3 years before graduating, whereupon many continue to secondary education in the public system (also paid by the school) though some continue with vocational training - they even have a farm nearby where students can work for wages and skill training. The school is operated by the Marist Brothers of Australia, a Catholic Brotherhood and called the LaValla School: http://www.maristsolidaritycambodia.org/our-projects.html. The first night I went to mass I met James, an accountant from Brisbane who has been working as an administrator at the school since April (?). We were instantly friendly and he invited me to visit. Tracy was having him help her with Quickbooks accounting for the SWD and I jumped at the opportunity for the visit. It's a beautiful facility - nothing fancy but well cared for. They do have a lovely pool - the highlight of the space to the kids but also a place for hydrotherapy. Coming through the gates we were greeted by an every growing crowd of kiddos as we made our way toward James who had come out to welcome us. They were very friendly but also very polite, each giving a formal hello with a big grin. As James led us to the office the crowd followed - James commented that such an entourage does not often ensure after the initial greeting. I felt honoured. A chorus of instruments heard from a nearby building - the music program in full swing. As we toured the facilities it became clear how comfortable and cared for these children feel. We watching for a moment as a group of them played basketball - some without one or both arms, another with a severe limp, another in a wheelchair. I thought about how it must feel to be in a place where the thing that makes you different from most people becomes the thing that others can relate to and which then is maybe not so noticeable. Meeting a program graduate who is now back as a teacher, who beamed about the program and the children highlighted what a special space this is. 

Honestly, it made me really want to stay... I have been thinking lately about my desire to work in both micro and macro practice and how that balance is a big part of how I explore my professional direction. After a busy week of org development conversation, there seemed something beautiful about doing org work in a setting where one gets to really stay connected to the intended beneficiaries, especially a group of kids... which I am feeling a very big draw to lately also. Actually, my draw to teaching has been come back recently after conversation with Tracy about PhDs. I realize that I have research interests but remembered that the teaching part was always more appealing. In fact, one of the reasons I chose the MSW was that it created a window of opportunity for me to become adjunct faculty in either a BA Social Work or Human Services program. Sigh. Big point, I have been feeling rather unclear about my future lately - in part because the present seems SO present and because there are SO many big things in the future (travel, back to school, new practicum, changed living situation, graduation, Bonderman, expected return home to boyfriend in fill-in-the-blank, Canada) - imagining "what I want to do with my life" seems like something that doesn't really start again for a couple of years. I'm not complaining - honestly, part of that sounds really exciting and, let's face it, relaxing... boo hoo, I have to not work while drinking mango lassies in Kerala :) But, I do like to feel like I have a sense of purpose and that I am being intentional with my energy. Having a few moments this week of feeling emotionally resonant with professional/service interests at least reminds me that the compass is still working :)  ... Oh, and on the way home we stopped at a theater for traditional Khmer music and dance... beautiful: 

Rest of the day: Mexican food with T and the Gang (a great band name, don't you think? I'm the lead singer, obvi!). Then we went to Blue Pumpkin  (waterfront not shown for some reason... weird, it's their flagship...). I published a blog. Erg. Shelby and I walked home and stopped at some art galleries - I fell in love with an artist... just in love!  . I really want one of his pieces... it's very big... I might need to blog a paycheck... you trust my taste, right? You don't mind an giant burlap sack with a beautiful black and white portrait of a woman and her child hanging on a wall somewhere in the house, right? I will try to take a photo of it. I might also buy ceramic mugs that look like crumpled plastic cups.... they speak to me, ok... BUT, I didn't buy the $45 set of tea cups and saucers at the store yesterday... did I mention that?! Mike, are you rolling your eyes? I told Tracy you would roll your eyes - don't disappoint me here :) :) Then, we walking home and one of the Tuk Tuk drivers from our neighborhood yelled my name from across the street while getting gas - "Hello, Michael!!!" We went over to say hi and he asked if we wanted a ride. I joked that we were only 3 blocks away - no need for a tuk tuk, silly man. He laughed and said me meant for free. We hopped in and gave him our small bills to say thanks. He's a really nice guy and kinda cool, I think. He goes by Chicken Egg (it's quirky and fun/easy for tourists to remember). I refuse to call him by it since it somehow feels wrong to me. It's not exactly a Khmer nickname. I call him Bong (older brother). He obliges and laughs at me for refusing to call him Chicken Egg... I just can't take that seriously :) 

Ok, I think I should pay for my fresh rolls and fresh coconut and make my way home. Devo might be in my hood soon and I promised I would say hi before bed. I haven't seen him since we had a drink a week and a half ago. I think I am in danger of loosing my new friend - my only friend really outside of this circle I'm in here. Oh well - I am falling more and more in love with Sothida... who admitted she had a gay crush on me. That was sweet :) 

Tuesday, Day 24: I wanna be like Angie and Brad Pitt and buy a bunch of babies that ain't never had shit...

Another tired morning as Borpha, Sothida, and I slogged off to RUPP for meetings and work. I skipped coffee. Lesson learned... for now. It ended up being a pretty productive day though and I felt good about projects before we left. And, sitting in the office amid to-do's, I got to hear my sweet boyfriend's voice for the first time since I left North America. It was a brief Skype interlude as the connection was slow and made everything I said to him come through in robotic triplicate. I told him it was just like at home - me repeating my stories over and over and over again. I did get to introduce him to my friends in the office though and chat a little bit via skype text. Funny, it was our very first online chat... there was a communication medium we hadn't explored yet! Maybe next time we will get to use the video function... shameless plug... :) XO. We left RUPP to visit with a daycare and before/after school program for children living with or affected by HIV. They are connected with the Soviet Friendship Hospital... and funded by Brangelina. Actually, it's named after their adopted Cambodian boy, Maddox. Anyway, among the very cute kiddos running around the grounds and singing in class we had a nice little meeting with the program director about social services and the potential of integrating social work into other practice centers of the hospital. The conversation was... not so productive. It's interesting to talk with folks who USE social workers but don't know how to relate to inquiries about the use of social workers in other medical settings.. sigh. Best part, on the tuk tuk ride home we learned about the time that Tracy was a statistician for a class action suit against corporate giants... and the time she was the jury foreperson for a labour dispute case... and she was the plaintiff for a sea lion in the Puget Sound... she really is cool. Tracy and I dropped of the gang and went to a cafe for a lychee mint freeze and a chocolate macaroon. We outlined a data entry and management guide - how to use SPSS, etc. and then a nice walk back to the guesthouse. Sothida, Borpha, and I took a walk around the neighborhood looking for dinner and made our way to a Khmer restaurant. We got a bottle of Pastis on the way home and got cozy with the girls and a bad slasher film. SO much diversity for one short day... maybe too much. 

Monday, Day 23: Did you know that CSI plays nightly on Cambodian TV?

Today wasn't too eventful - Borpha and Shelby ran a workshop for the research assistants. Sothida and I did the ice breakers - name games in the morning and a fun animal sounds activity after lunch. We stole them from Borpha and Shelby who used them for the retreat a couple of weeks ago. Sothida and I were able to get a lot of work done in the office in the meantime including the creating of a new work plan for Thyroth's project. Honestly, after today I am feeling a lot better about the next week of work. Good to breathe a bit after a very stressful last week. Sothida and I went for coffee in the afternoon - today was the first day that it made me feel jittery. I think when my exhaustion competes with artificial stimulants it gets a bit crazy... so, only coffee on days when I'm already awake?! Sothida and I had a great conversation about the spiritual health and healing of Cambodia - of the United States too. Somewhere between religion, politics, loved ones, and the passion we have for our work, a few tears and a cup of coffee with sweet milk, Sothida and I found a centering moment after a long day. We went for drinks with Tracy in the evening. We joked about Shelby's neuroses and my lack of boundaries and how sweet it was to mix them. Shelby and I wandered around for a bit trying to decide what to eat - a plate of mushroom masala dosa later we were at home watching a movie. I stayed up typing some notes and then off to bed... to lie awake for another night of brain tumbling before finally falling asleep. Sigh. 

Sunday, Day 22: Singing in the Monsoon

Another morning working at cafes... can I just say how much I miss having a real work space. I freaking miss my office!!! I would even settle for a living space that I can work in... green walls and florescent lights are just not work conducive! I digress. I did overhear a woman in the cafe talking about Seattle.. I butted in. She joined me for breakfast. She has been here in the PeaceCorps for 3 years and is going home... tomorrow. She was raised in the Seattle area but will be going back to stay with her parents who moved to Toronto. She invited me out for her going away party tonight but I had to text back an apology given my 6:30AM curtain call tomorrow... iek! But, we are hoping to connect back in Seattle to chat more.. :) Did I mention that I enjoy making new friends? 

Sothida was out for the day at a mobile clinic with one of the SWD faculty members, reviewing their mental health services. She and Borpha are helping to recreate the mental health curriculum for the department and are using this experience to help guide their work. I may go later but, with only 1 extra van seat, we have to prioritize. I stayed back and helped assemble workshop materials and reviewed the revised agenda with Tracy who actually like this one. Minor edits and some more conversation about facilitation strategies. It has been a more difficult process than usual since I am NOT a part of the SWD and because I am working off of Tracy's insights as their primary advisor... a good learning experience as I move toward more work like this for other groups... sheesh...

After some other work stuff on Thyroth's research project we met up for dinner. Sarah joined us - she is a 22ish, very sweet MSW student of Mara's from Tazmania who starts work tomorrow for an NGO working with women affected by sex trafficing as part of her practicum. She's here for 3 months and lives just around the corner so I think we'll be seeing quite a bit more of her. Also, she's alone here so she's excited to have a gaggle to attach to. And.. her hotel has a pool... :) After dinner we took a little walk and stopped into the french bakery for mouse - Mike... they have fresh ravioli! Come eat with me (cook for me)! Back home I met up with Sothida to go through retreat agenda changes. I stuck around looking for unlock codes for my Blackberry - my phone is on its last let (cheap second hand...) and I think I am just going to make it easier to use my real device around the world. Why put such a pretty thing in storage?! I can hear Robin in my head right now... :) So... it's bedtime again. I just want you to be warned though... Sothida loves my singing... and requests that I stick around in their room and sing... and that I sing them lullabies to sleep. With all of this positive reinforcement, I can't promise that I won't come home even more song-filled than before. I think I mentioned how hard it has been to go without the outlet anyway... you might get the full force when I'm home. Anyway up for starting a band? Maybe I join choir again?!


Street shot near home...

Saturday, Day 21: Is it nap time?

It has been 3 weeks. It feels like I have been here for three months. This week might kill me. Sothida and I worked on the agenda for our next faculty retreat this coming Thursday for which Tracy suggested some major edits. Back to the drawing board... and trying hard to muster the energy, the motivation, the interest... after another no-start, we accompanied Shelby and Borpha to purchased supplies for this week's research training workshops. I decided to stop at the grocery store to buy chocolate for the employees of our guesthouse. I especially felt the need to thank Vida, the sweet young man who goes to bed by the front door of the building and who I keep waking up to unlock the door when I stay out working or playing. Tonight was the same - I went to my regular bar on the corner and ordered a fresh coconut... with a shot of rum to pour inside it. By the end of the night, Sothida and I had a re-drafted agenda for Thursday - we'll see how it's received.



Random shots of town:

Thursday, Day 19: Cyanide and Pizza, please

All day at RUPP -  it was a stressful day of looking for assessment tools and defining research constructs. I realize that I am doing things that I have never done before and constantly getting stuck and hating the feeling of being incompetent. Social science research is so different that what I've done before and my training in it has been abysmal to say the least - the biggest deficit in my program of study thus far. But, I think we made progress and now I only feel quite behind instead of suicidal (not really... Mike, no assessment necessary). We came home and relaxed in the afternoon before hanging out with Tracy - she had us over for pizza on her patio overlooking the neighborhood. We talked and laughed for a long time - it is Always so nice to be with her outside of work. I really do appreciate her as a person and, when we are really connecting around work, I really appreciate her as a mentor as well. We rounded the evening out with a movie - The Heartbreaker. SO GOOD. French RomCon - Highly recommended! We at chocolate from a local maker and peeled fresh lychee. Once again... the gang went home and I am out having a night to myself. I am finding that I really enjoy this time out and alone. That said, I could really use someone to come home to... (that's you, Mike).

Wednesday, Day 18: Liberation Theology

Not as much to say about the morning. Sothida and I worked at cafes most of the day but tried a new spot for the AM with a delightful taro bubble tea and a place in the afternoon with a great salad and a wrap made from a starchy root vegetable... delicious and wheat free! Then... we went to mass. yes, Catholic mass. There is an international missionary group called Maryknowll and they have a mission here in PP. Sister Louise has been instrumental in helping build the Social Work Department here and even spoke at graduation. Today was the feast of St. Benedict. After sharing some words from the Gospel and some reflections on the St de jour, the group spent time sharing thoughts on the readings and how it relates to their lives and work. It was amazing to hear how progressive this group of Catholics is... they were all about the salvation of all, not just Christians, and spoke of social justice as the real mission of sharing the living love of God now and finding heaven here and now, not after life. I kept thinking about my research for the day on elements of community empowerment... one research spoke of the need 'not just to create outcomes but to change hearts and minds' - he also used a scale measuring Hope to assess community empowerment which I found to be quite beautiful. It was also good to be in a group of people who were singing. I didn't know any of the songs... but that didn't stop me... surprised?! My teammates lovingly joke about my constant singing here - in the room, in tuk tuks (always in the tuk tuk)... but they also ask me to sing lullabies at night too and compliment my voice which creates a nice balance to the teasing. I realize how much I use my singing to process my feelings and to feel myself breathe and to access my emotions... it's hard being in a place where I don't have a car or an insulated condo to occasionally let myself really belt out (I promise, many of you haven't "really" heard me sing yet...) - it's like there is a bit of my heart that doesn't get to beat. sign... 

So, after dinner... we spoke to James fro Brisbon AU who is an admin for a school for disabled children... over good home cooking incliuding mashed potatoes... oh, and an open bar... WTF?! So, I drank a vodka tonic with a nun who drank her whiskey neat... I love this place. I think we'll be going back every Wednesday from now on. I also made a new friend, Kevin. He's from Livermore, CA and is the ministry of music (shocking that we make friends). We had a great conversation about building relationships before creating project outcomes and the importance of being present in our lives, work, and relationships. It was very sweet. After, we went with Tracy and Dr. Jim (former Medical Director for Harborview Hospital in Seattle) to a Mediterrainian restaurant for mojitos and chocolate mouse and creme caramel. We laughed about everything and thanked the owner for a lovely place to dine. We walked home to connect with Borpha and Shelby who had spent their first day at HOPE and it was a crazy one!!! Highlights: they got to push their tuk tuk up an overpass and to a gas station after it ran out of fuel. They also has some pretty touching patient interactions and confirmed our impressions that the Home Care Team is well respected in the hospital and the community. 

What a long day for all of us... it was full and productive and tiring... So, I went out for drinks with drinks with Devo to round it out. Side note: I know it sounds like I am drinking a lot in PP... and you're right, I am. Actually, I have had more drinks here than I have in months prior! But, I'm never drunk and always safe... I'm with a group of social workers - they will intervene if they think it's a problem :) Anyway, Devo and I met at Equinox (makes me think of you, Robin - my solstice buddy) and hung out NeNe. It was funny because he was a little nervous to be seen out... maybe with a guy? maybe in general? Funny though that one of his volunteers showed up at the bar and we did a bit of ducking her attention. He relaxed a bit though and we had a nice chat. I realized that he might be one of the few people I've met that I feel is kind of a "hang out" friend - a casual buddy. It feels nice to have a pal outside of our group - someone to just chill with who doesn't have anything to say about RUPP or HOPE or anything else I'm doing if I don't want to talk about it. AND, we might go see the new Batman movie - that's right, Skiena - we get movies here about a week after you! Won't miss a thing! If, I can make the time to do it... that's the trick :)


Random sunset:

Tuesday, Day 17: First Day of HOPE

Today was the first day working with the Home Care Team at Sihanouk Hospital Center of HOPE. Sothida and I were teamed up and I was glad to have the company for what was a very intimate day of meeting with staff and patients. First I will say that the whole team has been so warm and inviting - "you are a member of the family..." was said more than once. And what a family to be a part of - they are doing such impressive work and maintain obviously strong relationships as a staff. We started the day following Chhavalith (Cha-va-leet) for a tour of the main hospital. We peeked in the emergency department before spending heading over to the HIV clinic where patients are assessed and provided with their ARV medications. Outside we spoke with a few patients who are actively followed by the HCT which basically provides outreach and support to newly diagnosed HIV/TB patients, high risk patients including pregnant women, and prevention support. One woman shared her story of testing positive for HIV only to be beat almost to death by her husband who then kicked her out of the home and then attempted to sell their children whom he did not want to take care of himself. She was able to get them into protective custody with a local NGO but does not foresee a means to establish herself that she might hope to regain custody. She carries photos of her daughter, now a teenager, and her son, nearly 10, and wears a smile when talking about how well they are doing now though her eyes are more telling of how painful it is to be separated from them. 

We then stopped into the acute care department for HIV/TB patients and spoke with a couple of doctors about their work. We visited with a patient briefly who we shortly thereafter assisted with a transport by ambulance to a hospice facility on the north side of town run by a Catholic order of nuns. The ride was long and hot but we were joined by a peer volunteer of the home team who spoke to the patient though the whole ride. The volunteer tried to be encouraging, explaining to the patient that she too had been exactly in her position just a few years before but is now healthy and happy. She gave her tips on what do expect and what to do once she arrived - how to get settled and make friends. It was very sweet. At the facility, we were given a quick tour which included a stop upstairs where the children with HIV and no caretakers live. A 3 year old who looked 1; another child limp and barely taking food in the arms of a volunteer. HIV rates have dropped in Cambodia from over 3% to just 0.6% since 1992 - days like this remind you how hard it still is for the 0.6%. 

Sothida and I came back to HOPE to break for lunch which we took with her pal Sochia whom she has known for at least 10 years from various other work with her old NGO and Foundation. He runs the patient services department at HOPE but, after 15 years working there, will be leaving now to be principle of a school! He started a school and library in his home village years ago and has a passion for education. This is a chance for him to dedicate his full time work to educating tomorrows leaders of Camboida. We had an amazing conversation about the influences of the Khmer Rouge on the sense of collectivism traded for a sense of survival and familial protection, now influenced by domination of Western political and economic individualism. We also spoke about the hidden stories from the Khmer Rouge as people around the world still do not know about the mass killings of nearly 2 million Cambodians in the 1970's - nearly 1/4 of the population. Even children and young adults in Cambodia don't know many of the real and heartbreaking stories of the ear as politics clouds the truth and when some families simply do not discuss such deeply traumatic events. To help remedy this, Sochia undertook an oral histories project that captured the stories of hundred affected by the regime - similar to work that has been done with Holocaust survivors. It is in a post production phase and should take some shape of public presentation in the near future. I was honoured to meet Sochia.  

Back to HOPE for an afternoon of home visits. The first to a woman with HIV and a 4 day old baby (all of her children negative). She was very emotional - happy to have the new child in her home and very concerned about money. She had a successful business but her various issues made it hard to keep it going and now the family relies on the $120/month her husband makes as a police officer. Her mother who lives with the family now did have a great story to tell between tears about going to a wedding, all dressed up, when her son-in-law got a call for a break in that he needed to attend to and left her at a cafe on the side of the road. There is a lot of spirit in the Cambodian people who often look to the joy and the humour in life amid the struggle. We then met a paraplegic man and his wife - Boo and Chhavelith talked a lot with them about self advocacy in seeking necessary services and support. Social Work in action! Last stop, a jeweler who is going well and is no longer an active client. The whole day was a privileged opportunity to be invited into people's homes and businesses and lives and to see a side of people and communities I wouldn't otherwise. However, while we had purpose in being with them, there remained a feeling of voyeurism too that requires some work to reconcile when you don't have more immediate help to offer than the hope of a future project. 

After a long day, Sothida and I headed to a cafe on the water where she was interviewed by HOPEs Special Project Director, Shelly, who is worker on her PhD dissertation related NGOs. I sat and ate candied banana and looked at the river between emails. We left in a downpour - the kind that drenches you the moment you step into it and floods the streets in a blink. It was a lovely addition to the atmosphere having drinks with Tracy and the gang later and while sipping on a fresh coconut at restaurant on the corner typing notes from the day. There is something so refreshing about the rain, anywhere in the world. Here, is sometimes seems to hold space for life to feel more contained and manageable in a world otherwise filled with movement and a thick haze of humidity that permeates every inch of air. It holds you in, asks you to retreat. It reminds you that you are subject to things you cannot fight. It does not apologize but washes you indiscriminately. I welcome the rain.   

View from the river - a storm is coming...

Monday, Day 16: How do you say Art Deco in Khmer?

I'll be honest in my process here... I am WAY behind in writing this log and I am going to catch up by keeping some items brief. Today was a meeting at Meeting at RUPP with Thyroth and Tracy - just another chance to realize how behind we are :) Then, we met with a group of graduating students and faculty members to discuss the development of an alumni group and eventually the nations's first Social Work Professional Association - SO EXCITING! It's stuff like that that really lights me up - being around to facilitate the dreaming and hoping - to organize the vision of individuals and groups and help the see their passions come together into meaningful and well articulated terms. Sigh. Then, we met with the Country Director and Program Coodinator at PATH's Cambodia office. PATH is an NGO based in Seattle - the pet of the Gates Foundation. I took a class from 2 of their VPs in the winter and learned about some of their projects during our case studies and it was great to see what work they are doing here. I love their model of rigorous evaluation while utilizing local knowledge and expertise to provide health technology solutions to locally defined global problems. I was very impressed. 

We stopped briefly at the Central Market, an art deco building toward the waterfront - so beautiful! Pictures to come. We had lunch and then made our way home to work in a cafe for the rest of the evening. The ran came - the night air cooled. I stayed late (my usual) and made a slow walk home to catch some zzz's. Another day to be grateful for in PP. 

Sunday, Day 15: Pretty...

Today was a day to sleep in (see above). Unfortunately, after 6 hours of sleep I was up and getting ready for a breakfast/work date with Sothida. Bright side: best caesar salad ever! We worked for a bit before she went home to rest and I met up with Shelby for a walk down to the riverfront. We found a nice cafe and set up shop - she read, I typed, we ate. After, we took a little time to wander this part of town which (surprisingly) we hadn't really done yet. We found some art galleries, stopped at some bookstores, found a hotel with a patio restaurant where if you order a min $5 food you can sit in a private section of the pool to dine (WTF?!). We took pictures at the National Museum and Royal Palace (which we might actually tour one of these days...) and did some window shopping. 

We went into one store called Mekong Quilts (Mekong is the river here) - they have the most beautiful handmade quilts for very reasonable prices by US standards made by members of an income-generating/women's empowerment NGO. As we were leaving, one of the store clerks asked what we were doing in PP - as Shelby and I made our way to the door talking about the SWD, the other clerk asked... "Are you Michael?" I was a bit taken aback... apparently she is friends with Sothida from her previous work in Cambodia with this NGO who had been telling her about team. She put SWD together with the white boy in the store and correctly guessed it was me... it made me feel like a resident - it was fun. We ended up at Blue Pumpkin to work some more... this place is crazy... a western style bakery/gelato place that has a second floor room with floor to ceiling windows overlooking the river... and giant bed-like seating... literally walls lined with seats where you take off your shoes and curl up against giant pillows and stretch your feet out in front of you and place your food/drink on the bed tray in front of you... sanzzy. Bringing that concept home to my bar... Shelby and I worked some more, then walked home past Embassy Row (where a number of countries set up shop in Cambodia near the World Bank...). Best part of the day: skyped with mom. It was my first day with a real computer!!!!! after our pal Dori left and abandoned her SWD laptop. It was so good to see a familiar face and hear about life back home. I can't say that I'm homesick but I do miss the people in my life... really, I have been so busy the past year that I haven't really been able to keep the level of contact with any of my relationships the way that I would like. But being here I miss seeing names pop up in my schedule for that long-overdue dinner that we finally planned, or making that phone call or sending that text just to say hi, or knowing that there is a party invite on the way somewhere, or someone at a bar somewhere at any given time (Heidi), or a cozy place on a couch if I need it... or a boyfriend who's lovely voice I will at least get to hear at the end of every day. I know that my life is leading me in directions that even I can plan in a spreadsheet - I'm excited to explore the world and myself and these new opportunities ahead... and I am hoping to practice with you the methods of being a good friend, partner, and relative even when I'm so far. I love you... I love you all. 

Saturday, Day 14: Graduation! ... and maybe a nightclub...

Today was the big graduation day!!! What an amazing thing to be a part of - easily a highlight of my time in Cambodia. Before mentioning the ceremony... can we talk about the shoes?! First of all, all of the students were so well put together (I constantly feel underdressed here) but the ladies were to the nines! Some of them had elaborate formal dresses made just for this event... and paired them with 3 inch heels!! One of the faculty members even commented in his address that with all the excitement, students should walk slowly up to the stage to avoid tripping up the stairs in their fancy shoes. :) The ceremony was a full morning and included some lovely comments from faculty who shared encouragement as the birds flew from the nest and from program advisors who spoke of the seed dying so that the tree may grow. There were a couple of slideshows - one with photos from the last 4 years of the first graduating cohort (some of which were from our weekend in Siem Reap avec UW students!) and another slideshow created by 3rd year students giving their wishes and hopes for the graduates. The latter made me cry... it was so touching to see just how powerful this program has been in affecting the lives of all involved and how much care and attention has been given both to quality education and to supporting students in their journey as young people and professionals. It reminded me a bit of my last graduation too - my BA in Human Services where my cohort of 24ish folks all stood, held hands, and walked in a connected line up to the stage to receive our diplomas to the Awwww-ing of the attending crowd. It was a wonderful way to recognize the strengths of Cambodians as people and as organizing groups as they work to address a myriad of social problems before them.

After graduation the students invited us to lunch at... wait for it... KFC. Yes, despite the harmful effects that a fast-food western diet culture is having on diabetes and hypertension rates in the country, it is yet considered a sign of affluence. Gross. Funny part - chicken cutlet served with rice instead of mashed potatoes. It was... quite bad, actually. Given a choice between ANY Khmer dish and KFC I will ALWAYS choose the stuffed frog or fish soup... But, the company was great. It was just another venue for the billions of pictures that Cambodian youth like to take. Did I mention Vicheth yet? Or, as we call him, Cambodia's Next Top Model? Most of the students have learned to pose like pop stars but Vicheth will go to great lengths to set up the perfect frame and tell you exactly how he wants the photo to look. He's a ham and we love him for it.

After lunch was a quick nap (so tired) and then some relaxation time before family dinner with the SWD (Social Work Department) faculty and their families. We sat outside underneath lanterns and ate broiled fish with tamarind sauce and glass noodles with fish sauce and soup and braised morning glory... so delicious (better than KFC). Shelby and I sat near Bora's children and they practiced their English with us talking about sports, school. music, and anything else you can get 3 teens to talk to you about... which is hard enough when you speak the same first language. The best part of the night had to be the babies. So many cute babies. We fought a little bit over who got to play with them... then their parents took them home - sad. I got to chat more with a lovely couple from Tazmania - Mara had been working at the SWD for 18 months and she and her partner came to celebrate graduation with her first students, all grown up. Her partner is an artist and teacher at another university and she was great for conversation - I think I convinced her to come to Bellingham for a micro-brew (have one ready, Brian!). I, of course, now have a standing invite to visit Tazmania... who wants to come?! Mara also gave me a fun new gift... a bike!!! She had one when she lived here that she left at the school and has now handed to me for my use while in Cambodia. She delivered it to dinner and I took a long ride home through my neighborhood (with a helmet and light... just to assure you Mike & Mom). It was great to move swiftly through the city and see parts of BKK (my hood) that I hadn't seen before. I haven't ridden much since then but will venture out more when I have the time and want to explore. 

When I got home the gang was tired - it was a very long day after a very long week. So everyone just settled in and went to sleep early... except me. I wanted to get out and play... so I walked myself toward town to a nice gay club that I found online - yes, PP has gay clubs! Well, gay like Rumors gay... but gay. Actually, PP has a Pride! I just missed it in May but I met a woman recently who helps organize it... more on that later. I showed up, got frisked, got a drink, and found a place on the second level with a view of the dance floor. Pretty soon a Khmer couple asked to join my table - Samnang and Sovanh - they shared their Angkor beer and before long I was toasting with a group of Khmer men and making new friends. We eventually made our way to the floor and found myself dancing and sweating even more than usual for the Cambodian heat. I made another new friend, Devo (like the 80s Whip It band...). He's an accountant for a microfinance organization, originally from LA, recently arrived after working for a bank in Australia. He's a good dancer and quite funny... and helpful at keeping some of the grabby boys away. I left after 2 and had a pleasant walk home - it was a great end to a full day... and made me really miss my BBFF... 

Friday, Day 13: From Toilet King to Shopping Malls

Well, my teammates ended up needing to do work today so I was the solo act at the latrine ceremony today. Yes, that's right, toilet dedication. Where does one even begin with that? We were invited last week by the social work department of Sihanouk Hospital Center of HOPE (actually called the Home Care Team - they work with HIV/AIDS/TB patients... more on that later.) - anyway, we were invited to attend the dedication of 100 latrines being donated to a community of displaced families outside of Phnom Penh. I arrived in the morning and was offered a sweet pork and egg yolk rice bun and helped load the van with water and bread to give to the community members. Our guests of honour: the donor of the toilets (who we now lovingly refer to as the King of Thrones) is a mid-thirties finance geek from Hong Kong, raised in Toronto. He's actually a pretty cool guy, laid back and funny. He was talking with one of his friends who had been telling him about this community over wine one night and how they desperately needed sanitation services and he just said, Why don't I just buy them toilets?! The friend was with him on this trip, Eunice Olson... also known as Miss Singapore - not a cute nickname, actually Miss Singapore. She was with two of her other friends who are producers in Singapore - they have been coming to Cambodia to research the creation of a film about the sex trafficing industry. While here they got to know this group of people who were kicked out of their land (a very low income area with poor sanitation) for developers to raise new condos... on the lake... Don't think this is So Cambodia... it happens in the US too... Anyway, there are now 3 settlements of families in Oudong, the most recent of which have only been resettled since December. A missionary group and series of NGOs have been assisting them to purchase land so that they can start creating more permanent homes because until then they are technically squatters and can't access many resources or feel very secure about their new homes either. Many are still living in tents but Habitat for Humanity and other groups have helped them establish more secure structures and are helping to rebuild a sense of community empowerment and self governance and long term economic stability including the purchase of farm land to provide local income generation - many of the families are broken up since they have to return daily or for extended periods to Phnom Penh to work. 

So... we show up at the community and I quickly embarrass myself. I was helping unload water and bread and start walking toward the ceremony tent when I realize I am walking down a reception line of little kids... who all start clapping and cheering for me... thinking I'm the donor... the problem with being a white guy. I immediately start waving NO and step out of the line and walk behind houses to get to the main tent... thankfully they all got theidea who they Should be clapping for when the King and Miss Singapore came walking down. I was forced to sit next to them in the front of the ceremony though... awkward, but awkward is sort of the standard now so I a just taking things in stride. After, we took pictures of the ribbon cutting and of people on toilets. I spoke with Country Directors and Hospital Directors and Program Directors about projects and funding and social justice implications for practice models... there are some people doing some really good work here... and some people who are doing very well to facilitate Cambodian's do really great work with and for themselves. Oh, the drive out was with a guy named Michael from NY (via Chicago and SF) who is married to Shelly from the hospital... hmmm... important part: new friend - we are having dinner, maybe Saturday?! He's a musician and the videographer for the hospital too. Anyway, we visited a couple of communities, saw kids on bikes that the donors also bought them so they can get to school, and then had lunch at a local market... cooked fish, fish soup, ... dessert: sticky rice balls coated in sweetened rice powder... so good. While we ate some local boys came to ask for money, some with stuff to sell, others with charm to pander. Instead, we traded tricks... I tried to teach them how to snap their fingers and whistle... they showed me magic tricks and showed me a different way to whistle that was WAY louder!!! They were great... we're friends now too... no dinner plans though. 

After lunch, Mit took me hiking up to this stupa (Buddhist shrine) on the hill. It houses bones of the Buddha that were stolen from Malaysia - I'm sure they're happy about that. It had a very good view of the valley and the tent city below... in the shadow of mansions. Just like home! Mit was a wonderful hiking companion - he shared a lot about his work with HIV patients and his heartbreak seeing this community be forced to rebuild lives after already living in such poverty before being displaced. But, also his joy in the spirit of the people. Even hearing the speak - joke even - about not needing to go the fields to defecate and risk getting bit in the butt by a snake... there was humour even in the most desperate situations here and people who are always willing to share when they have so little and a genuine smile even when asking for help. Not to romanticize, just to honour the strength that Cambodians hold... the spirit. 

Anyway, Mit (who wants to leave the city to raise cattle - and now I picture him living in Montana) and I walked back toward the group and encountered MONKEYS along the way. SO MANY MONKEYS!!! They were quite friendly too (don't worry mom, I didn't try to pet them). But... we did toss our water bottles to them and they picked them up and drank from them... So freaking cute!!! 

We stayed under the hut for a while as the rain POURED down and watched Chhavelith lose money in a card game.. then it was time to head home. We stopped a the home of an HIV+ husband/wife and their 3 children, all negative. The Home Care Team met the Mr when he was near death and now they have helped him get healthy, find work, build a home, and see that his children get an education. They really do amazing work -= stuff that my HIV org in Bellingham does that is considered progressive for the states. Capacity building is NEVER from scratch. The end of the day came with some sadness (and an invite from the hospital director to go dancing with her and Miss Singapore...). The Home Care Team has made me feel so welcomed - "You're a part of the family..." and it is a great family to have. 

Ok... so... after all that... ... I maybe got a pedicure. I know that is a stark contrast to the rest of the day but wait... it gets worse. Actually, the best part of the pedi (besides the fact that it was the best pedi I've had) is that the power went out (as it does here) and I got to hold my phone flashlight for her to finish working. It was kinda sweet. It was a nice balance compared to the bitchy woman next to me who treated her technicians like slaves... sad for her. Our group and the staff joked about Princess after she left... So, what does one do after a pedi?! They go to an art gallery opening downtown... it was a cool show, actually. The theme was Freedom and there were maybe 10 artists with work being shown. Proceeds from some of the sales were going to pet projects - friend of a friend was giving her sales to a school she helped start in a northern province. We stayed a while, I read statements about freedom of speech, environment, love, and all things in between. Then we wanted dinner but didn't know where to go. We were with our friend Saveun and his son (SO CUTE) who is almost the same age as my nephew. 

Trying to find a place that would work for him too... we ended up at the mall. Yes, PP has malls... they used to be empty buildings where locals came for air-con and to ride the escalators but in a few short years they have become a vestige of modern capitalism as anywhere else. Food was ok - baby played in the play area - we got ice cream. After making it home, Borpha and I grabbed a drink at a neighborhood bar with some white dude with dredlocks spinning... it was funny to watch backpackers break it down. We didn't stay long. I was happy to find sleep and contemplate a very busy, very diverse, very contradictory day. I do like being a gemini... and also reflecting on my privilege, generally and in the context of my current situation. How to use my resources, live to my means, and understand the impacts of the systems that have won me those privileges. Guilt isn't useful, but responsible action is.... dissertation to come.

Thursday, Day 12: Retreat Day #1

So, today was the big faculty retreat - day 1 of 2. Today was focused more on team building and celebrating the successes the department has accomplished over the past 8 years since it began as they prepare to graduate the first cohort! It was a very full agenda starting with a fun icebreaker about name meanings. Then, we some set up and a timeline activity to review all the successes and challenges that have been overcome in more than a decade of planning and implementation of the program. We covered shared team commitments and had faculty share feedback about what they appreciate about their colleagues. Then, we finished the morning sharing comments from graduating students about what the program and faculty members have meant to them - it was so touching that it made me a bit misty. Lunch was another wonderful Khmer meal followed by a post-meal game of animal sounds... it was amazing to hear the cultural differences between animal sounds too... a frog sounded more like a bird squawking. The afternoon was more preparation for goal setting in the next retreat. It was a long, 7 hour day but the faculty members seed to be very engaged, thankful, and with great feedback about our facilitation. My team members are now convinced that my interest in doing consulting work is perfect for me. Honestly, it was an honour to share such a meaningful and productive space with such amazing people who are doing such amazing work. 

Post retreat we had a check in about other projects. Probably not the best idea... it was really time to just stop for the night. I was pretty spent for the night but chose my normal form of unwinding which was to go out. My teammates were packing it in for the night so I ended up in a restaurant/bar across from my apartment where I tried to write for a bit... to no avail. It was a bar I had been avoiding for a while since it seemed to be mostly expats... a strange crowd for a Cambodian setting. But, I discovered the second floor with a lovely bartender named NeNe (knee knee). She sat with me for a bit while I sipped on my Sambuca. A few moments alone to take in the city from my balcony seat, to recognize what a privilege it is to be having this experience, was just what my heart needed. At the end of long days I just keep thinking how lucky I am... and hope that I can hold onto that feeling during the next stressful day. 

Wednesday, Day 11: I just gave up on this one...

Spent half the day at RUPP working on research preparation and retreat planning. Not too much exciting today... worked later into the evening and laid low at home with Shelby before the retreat tomorrow. Goodnight... 


More pics of people and home:

Tracy & Dori